


I Will Wait For You

by luna_solis



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Can you tell?, Episode: s01e12 Malec - Wedding Scene, First Kiss, I really miss them, M/M, POV Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 12:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20706083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luna_solis/pseuds/luna_solis
Summary: Alec's thoughts during the wedding scene in 1x12





	I Will Wait For You

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching their first kiss scene (for health reasons, ya know) and really felt like writing this.  
I hope you enjoy reading it!

Alec saw Lydia walking down the aisle toward him, but all he could think of was Magnus and what he had said to him just days before.

_“You’ll be lonely all your life, and so will she. Neither of you deserve it. And I don’t either.”_

Had he been right? Would Alec come to regret his decision? It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Alec helped Lydia up the steps to the altar and tried to push his thoughts to the back of his mind. It wouldn’t be any help to dwell on it now—what was done, was done. 

As the ceremony went on, Alec kept reminding himself of why he was doing this: he had to restore the Lightwood name. This was about family, tradition, honor…

_“Where’s the honor in living a lie?”_

The familiar voice invaded his thoughts once more. _But this was his duty,_ he tried to reason with the voice and himself. Magnus had made it sound so easy, but it wasn’t, not for him. Alec was a shadowhunter, he had to put his people’s needs before his own and that meant sacrificing some aspects of his life for the greater good. As his parents always reminded him, the honor was in the deed.

_"What about… love?”_

Well, Alec had given up on love very early on in his life. He knew that being gay wasn’t really well accepted by other shadowhunters, especially in old and influential families like the Lightwoods. So Alec had accepted that he would never be able to be with someone he actually liked, but Magnus had come into his life and offered him another option. And Alec, like a fool, took it for granted and now, well now he’d have to live with his mistakes.

Alec extended his hand for Lydia to draw the rune, accepting his fate. But they were interrupted when the loud noise of a door slamming echoed through the room. He lifted his gaze, only to find Magnus walking in, more determined than he’d ever seen him.

Alec felt as if all the air had been pushed out of his lungs and he could do nothing other than stare at the other man, who was looking directly at him—he was completely frozen in place. He was vaguely aware of his siblings talking around him, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. Alec saw his mother walking up to Magnus and tell him something, but Alec didn’t register that either.

“Alec, hey,” Lydia’s voice brought him back to reality and he looked back at her.

Alec struggled to find his words, this was all too overwhelming. “I can’t breathe,” he finally managed to get out.

“I know,” Lydia said, “it’s okay.”

This was it. Magnus had given him one last chance, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to waste it again.

“I can’t do this,” he told her, “I thought we were doing the right thing but, this isn’t it.”

“You don’t have to explain,” she said, but Alec saw how hurt she looked. And rightly so, since Alec had been the one to drag her into this mess and now he was backing out of it.

“Lydia, I’m sorry.” He couldn’t help but feel a little guilty for doing this to her.

“Hey, you deserve to be happy, okay? I’ll be fine.”

He’d have to thank her properly later but now, he had something more important to do. So, with his mind made up, he turned and looked at all the guests before focusing his gaze back on Magnus. He walked down the steps and took comfort in the silence that had settled in the room—it was only him and Magnus, at that moment.

With his heartbeat echoing in his ears he started walking toward the other man, toward his future.

“Alec, what are you doi–” his mother started saying, but he didn’t let her finish.

“Enough.” He was done doing whatever she told him to do, done putting her needs before his own. For the first time in his life, Alec let himself be selfish—he _deserved_ to be a little selfish right now.

Finally reaching the other man, Alec grabbed Magnus by the lapels of his jacket and kissed him. It felt like too much and not enough, like an eternity and still, it was over too soon. 

Alec pulled back to catch his breath and all he needed to see was Magnus chasing his lips for him to lean forward and kiss him again. 

Alec knew everything would change after this, he knew his parents would be furious and that he’d have to deal with the repercussions of his actions. But, at that moment, he couldn’t care less, because he also knew that he’d done the right thing. He finally felt free.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave your thoughts in the comments, but please be nice (my ego is frail)


End file.
